The Family Handbook: Chapter 3

As we approach the final chapter of my Family Handbook, I want to say for the record, that I truly love my family.

Especially because they all do a great job of supporting me, like when they read my newsletters or share my business highlights with their own community. Like any family, we are not perfect, but that doesn’t mean I am any less appreciative of all of them.

Now on to Chapter 3!

This final installment may feel heavy, but it is a truth that must be heard, and though not all of this chapter applies to my life, it may apply to some of yours. Which is why I felt the need to write it.

Chapter 3 is about deciding when to let go. When loving someone does more harm than good, and when the term family gets abused.

I will also discuss the shifts to watch for in a person who may be showing you they are ready to respect and reconnect!

💡Handbook Chapter 3) Necessary shifts and when to stop wasting your time

Some people just suck.

I know for some of you, family isn’t this Netflix-style TV drama. It’s real and it’s tough.

For some of you, family is manipulation, total absence, or maybe even abuse and if that is the case, I am truly sorry. This chapter applies to everyone, but it will apply especially to you.

Family at its core should be a foundation you can build your life on, not something that tears you down.

Family is not having to love a group of people, it is choosing to love them and acting with love.

Family is not expecting something in return for giving, nor is it passing unfair judgment. It is giving support, feeling comfortable asking for help, and sharing appreciation for one another always.

Family should always feel like linked arms, not chain links…

So in Chapter 2, you set your boundaries, but things are not changing. They are bad, they are negative, and they may be even toxic.

But when is it time to let go?

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When someone chooses to be selfish, disrespectful and refuses to self-reflect. Then remain true to your own values, but stop going above and beyond because you will continue to feel frustrated.
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When someone is unhappy, negative, or critical of everything. You do not need to jump in the well with them. Remove yourself from the conversation early and often.
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When you have tried to help someone fix their problems, but they aren’t helping themselves. Take some time away. You cannot risk hitting rock bottom with them, and they may need to completely fail to start caring about making a change.
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When your victories are not celebrated, they are criticized, when nothing you do is worthy and you keep getting pushed down. You must limit communication, and when this person realizes there is a problem, give them the cold hard truth about how they treated you.

It may break your heart, it may hurt their feelings, but we all have our limits.

In life, we can only choose our own regrets, not the regrets of others.

So if you cut someone out, how do you know when it’s time to let them back in? Should you even try?

You should if you feel like they have learned how to be a better person. If they have learned from their mistakes, they have learned to care about themselves and others and you feel there has been a SHIFT.

SHIFTS LOOK LIKE
💡Selfishness becomes awareness and apology
💡Negativity becomes self-work and self-care (positivity)
💡Telling and yelling become dialogue and communication
💡Criticism and judgment become active listening and open-mindedness

At the end of the day, actions speak louder than words, and a history of being shitty can’t be forgotten in one good encounter. I get it. So before you let someone back in completely, test the waters, hold them accountable, express your past frustrations, and give them the opportunity to show up for you.

If they rise to the occasion consistently…

THEN WELCOME THEM BACK into your life and tell them you missed them!

They are family after all.