Take Back Control
A young woman walks into a bar for weekly trivia night.
During the night she meets a charming gentleman and leaves with his phone number.
3 weeks later they go on their first date.
1 year later they move in together.
4 years later they get married.
5 years later during her baby shower, while reminiscing about the past 5 years her friend interrupts her and shouts “Easy for you to say Jennifer you got so lucky! Greg is amazing, we can’t all be as lucky as you! ”
We all have this friend. Maybe even a family member or colleague. Someone who truly believes that what we have is due to some fateful moment of luck, and not because of the many actions that lead up to that one moment in our life.
They also believe they are inherently unlucky, that what they have was determined for them, and that nothing is their fault.
Do you believe that Jennifer experienced one of those classic rom-com “fate” moments?
Or do you believe that Jennifer took control of her situation and created that opportunity for herself?
If you believe it was fate, then you probably tend to have what is called an external locus of control.
If you believe Jennifer played a part in meeting Greg, then you are most likely more prone to having an internal locus of control.
If you have never heard of the Locus of Control theory, read more about it here
If you want a simple visual - check out this funky picture.
Before we continue, let’s dive deeper into Jennifer’s life leading up to Greg.
6 months before Greg, Jennifer was having another argument with her previous boyfriend and she FINALLY decided to break up with him.
(Took control)
5 months before Greg, she was a bit of a mess and still sorting out being single (we all know what this is like). But Jennifer decided to focus on herself, her career, and her health. (Took control)
2 months before Greg, she started having tons of success at work, she was crushing it in the gym and honestly was having a blast being single. She had found her footing and rebuilt herself.
(Gained control)
1 month before Greg she found this bar that does weekly trivia, and she loves trivia so she started going. (Took more control)
2 hours before Greg her friends bailed on trivia but she DECIDED to go anyway. She joined a random team and…
That’s how she met Greg.
(Took total control)
This is how 90% of our life stories actually happen. We make decisions for months maybe years that decide our outcomes. We either take control or we give it up and when we take full control, like going to the trivia night despite our friends, that is often where our biggest changes happen.
Luck is where preparation meets opportunity.
Jennifer was her new, single, best self when she met Greg, there was nothing lucky about it. The problem is Jennifer’s friend didn’t listen to the whole story. She decided to hear what she wanted to and her external locus of control bias determined Jennifer’s positive outcome was luck. Not based on her actions or efforts. She didn’t even give Jennifer the time to tell the whole story.
Take a moment and consider how you view your life and the lives of others.
Is your current locus of control internal or external?
Are you where you want to be in life with this current belief system?
Maybe it’s time to believe in yourself more. Maybe it’s time to take more control.
Instead of shouting “That’s easy for you to say” try shouting “Tell me how?”
I have always gained more from asking questions than I have from being a smart-ass 😁
