The Family Handbook: Chapter 1
It’s that time of year again folks!
Many of us are heading home for Thanksgiving 🦃
Or worse your parents, siblings, grandparents, nieces, nephews, and cousins are all coming to you😳
Depending on how your family operates, you may even have friends, spouses’ families, or that one Aunt Deb that you still aren’t sure is related to you, all coming over to join in on the fun.
Now if you don’t celebrate Thanksgiving and this is just another long weekend for you, DON’T STOP READING.
Today’s AHA Moment is less about turkey and more about family get-togethers and ALL the judgment.
But is it really judgment? Most family members and friends really care. Even if they sure as shit don’t know how to communicate it properly!
So in an effort to divide what is care from what is constant badgering, here is my…
HOW TO DEAL WITH FAMILY HANDBOOK
💡Handbook Chapter 1) Take Ownership First
Your Mom is yelling, just loud enough so you can hear from across the kitchen…
“We can’t do that until (insert your name) finally buys a house”
Your immediate thought is…
F*** off have you seen the market?
OMG she didn’t. I’m trying my best, it takes time!
Dude you bought your first house with Dad, aka your ex-husband for 85k
I get it, you’re not in the mood, it’s been a long week, but is what she’s saying untrue?
If you haven’t bought a house then your Mom is not wrong and neither are you for being frustrated with how it was communicated. But that is just it. She is trying to communicate. Whether it be her own frustration or her way of asking for an update, she wants to talk about it.
Then if you meet this comment with rage and passive-aggressive remarks, well your communication is no better than hers and this is the type of shit that causes a stare-down at the dinner table later that evening. Or a fight over who actually ruined the broccoli casserole 6 years ago. (This is somehow brought up every year)
So instead of expressing your immediate thoughts, try to slow it down and just give the honest truth about what is actually going on. How hard it ACTUALLY is to buy a house for you right now.
Your Mom probably has no idea how hard it is, or how hard you are trying. Plus their frustration is probably more so rooted in wanting the best for you and trying to push you to your potential! But it’s all about how that is communicated I get it.
Here are some other fun examples in case that didn’t apply to you!
Are your parents still talking about your ex-girlfriend like you were so lucky to have her and you messed it all up?
Well did you? If you didn’t then why do you care… as long as your new girlfriend isn’t standing in the room for this, then laugh and MOVE ON.
If you did then maybe try saying “Yeup, I wasn’t the best version of myself in that relationship, but I’m moving forward, so can you do so as well?”
Do your Grandparents keep asking you if you are ever going to cut your front lawn?
I get it, why do they feel the need to drive by your house 5 days a week? But also it’s October 8th not December 15th, snow isn’t falling anytime soon, so you should probably just cut it.
Try saying “Hey Grandpa you know what honestly, work has just been so hectic, and my husband and I are on opposite shifts so we just haven’t even had the time to think about that let alone see each other. But I hear you and we will get to it when we can!”
It may suck that you have to communicate like this, but your family is just making conversation and trying to be a part of your life. They literally have no clue what your day-to-day looks like anymore, and they probably miss that.
Plus If you feel comfortable with your own challenges in life and how you are handling them, then this should be less of a burdensome conversation. So just be honest!
If you are not comfortable with how things are, then that is okay to admit too, but that’s not their fault and how are they supposed to know? They can’t read your mind.
Before the truth sets you free, it will PISS YOU OFF.
Admit your own feelings.
Take ownership.
Share the honest truth.
Trust that your family cares more about you than about being right!
But what if that doesn’t quite work?
Well, that’s why I wrote Chapter 2 😎
